I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
