life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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