the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ttyl tear gas
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
