Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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