she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
