I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
