Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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