John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize