Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
