Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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