1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
