I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
