Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
