Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is wine microwaveable?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
