I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
