All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
