you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
