We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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