She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
