she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
