Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
