Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
