he wants to bone in the snuggie
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
