i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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