I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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