And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
