I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
