it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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