Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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