Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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