Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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