i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
