i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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