so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
