I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
