u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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