Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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