Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize