I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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