They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
