think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize