Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She needs sedatives and a leash
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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