I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
