i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is this like a preordered booty call?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
