Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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