Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize