dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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