We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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