Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
