Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
