i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
