I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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