I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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