We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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