guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
