Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
