Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is the high leading the old right now
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
