i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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