winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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