oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My bed smells like the plague
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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