I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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