Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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