I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
