Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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