a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude i'm inner monologue high
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
