We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
