I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
