I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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