yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize